I’m asking for your help.
For several years I’ve, finally, been in the process of applying for Social Security Disability, something I desperately needed to do decades earlier, but wrongheadedly struggled to avoid as my life spiraled into hell.
Many people have helped me along the way, some of you included, and now I’ve hit another emergency juncture and my only alternative is to plead for your help and hope a few of you will throw me another lifeline.
MY MENTAL ILLNESS is the primary disability, though I also have other ailments (gout, high blood pressure, and a lot of little things). I’m bipolar. I suffer lifelong severe clinical depression, and panic/anxiety disorders to the point of almost complete disability.
I range up and down to some degree depending on my prevailing biochemistry, my circumstances, and my treatment.
But I’m always, at best, near the verge of being thrust back into the hell of just wanting to kill myself because I can’t stand the minute-to-minute overwhelming fear, and all the other desperate feelings that are so impossible to explain to a sane person, save as the product of chemicals flooding my brain, turning it a place of living hell.
I’ve long known that pretty much everyone first applying for Social Security disability for depression is denied, and can only be approved via appeal, and likely multiple appeals.
A few weeks ago I finally was notified that my disability application was being denied. I completely expected this result, but still, lacking resources, and knowledge of timing, I found myself unprepared for the appeal.
Simultaneously, I’ve been given notice by my current landlord here in Raleigh, North Carolina, that I have to move from my present circumstances to some new place to live (my original notice a few weeks ago was for a move ASAP; I’ve wangled a temporary extension, but still have to move as soon as reasonably possible).
Simultaneously, because my SS disability application has been denied, my current mental health help from the State of North Carolina (via the Easter Seals organization) has been cut off. I had had a therapist every 2-4 weeks, and psychiatrist every 3 months, plus medications. I’m appealing that cut-off, too.
Three crisi simultaneously: a place to live, reobtaining treatment, disability application to appeal.
I can’t overstate how little able I am to cope with even one crisis at a time, as a rule.
Or even one difficult thing at a time. And for me, almost everything is difficult.
I am, alas, mentally and emotionally ill. It’s not easy to say that, but at the age of 50, with severe clinical depression first having struck at least by the end of my teen years, I’ve come to face it.
It’s something I’ve struggled with, mostly unsuccessfully, my whole life, and I almost certainly will have to struggle with the rest of my life.
I range from, when stressed, completely dysfunctional, no matter how absolutely life-critical doing something is, to minimally functional, accomplishing the basics of keeping fed and showered and a mild amount of optional activities, like desperately striving to stay in communication with friends.
Being crazy is crazy-making, it turns out.
I HAVE NO SUPPORT NETWORK of family, or local friends, alas. And I desperately need one, but in lieu of that, I’m asking here for the only substitute I can: your help.
(I would desperately like to afford to move to another state, to a place I didn’t hate, and could afford, and a locale I had some friends, but that isn’t financially feasible for now.)
The most frightening part of the appeal process is that now they tell me they want evidence of my disability going back many decades, and I just don’t have that official proof. But that’s stuff you can’t help me with.
HOW YOU CAN HELP: overwhelmingly, through taking out a monthly subscription to my blog for at least six months, if not a year or more; stress on the “more,” if possible, though obviously people should only do what they’re completely comfortable with, and no one can predict the future.
That is, click the PayPal buttons below or in the sidebar so that you agree to automatically send at least one $5/month donation to Amygdala/me every month, hopefully until my disability application is finally approved.
Subscriptions can be taken out in any combination of the $5/month or $25/month or $50/month increments. So someone could donate $15/month with three $5/month subscriptions. Or $30/month with one $25 subscription and one $5/month subscription. Or $125/month with two $50/month and one $25/month subscription. And so on.
Individual donations in any amount can also be made at any time! But the stability of knowing subscription payments will be coming in in six months or more is what I MOST need.
You can cancel your subscriptions at any time, of course, though naturally I hope you won’t, or at least not without advance warning.
A couple of weeks ago I had hoped that I’d be able to find a room with utilities somewhere here in the Raleigh/Durham area for around ~$350/month, and I’d thought that if I could just get approximately another $125/month in subscriptions, I could survive.
Realizing just how expensive food is, along with the other small emergencies and expenses that spring up, and after having lost $50/month worth of subscriptions in the past month, I’ve realized I need at least another $200/month to survive.
So I’m asking you, in desperation, if you’ve ever enjoyed my blog, or my comments somewhere, or I’ve helped you out in some way, or if you’re simply feeling able to help out someone in need, someone in overwhelming pain and fear, to please consider taking out one or more subscriptions to my blog for a year or more, possible, and help me survive at least another year.
Four people at $50/month could do it. Or ten people with $5/month each, plus two at $25/month and one at $50. Or whatever. Anything you can do will be endlessly appreciated.
All I can say is that I try to pay help forward.
The best work in blogosphere is being done by small bloggers who are not trying to join the in crowd. In the name of solidarity, please send Amygdala so help if you are in a position to do so.
Hat tip to lambert, who always reaches out in solidarity to his fellow bloggers, even at the risk of limiting his own fundraising.